I turn 30 in a few days. Wow. I’ve been alive for three decades. How cool is that?
Websites like EliteDaily and Thought Catalog tell me that I should have used up my twenties for dating different kinds of men, traveling the world, and hitting the bottle. That could not have been farther from my reality. During my twenties, I became a mom, built a relationship with a man who would eventually become my husband, struggled to finish a degree while working full time, battled depression and anxiety. went to two countries, and affirmed my identity as a teetotaler. Some people comment that I haven’t had it easy. To a certain extent, I agree with them. But what is life without its curve balls? I’ve already made peace with my past and have accepted that life doesn’t always follow a linear progression.
As with many people who have experienced quarter life crisis (boy, am I glad that’s over), there came a time when I wondered what the hell I was here for. I became obsessed about finding my passion. I was desperate to find the key that would unlock all my energy and give me something to look forward to every single day. I wasn’t aware that I was already passionate about several things: thrash metal, coffee, philosophy, Tudor history, writing, gay literature, thanatology, etc. These things get my heart pounding but they failed to sustain me. It was only after a depressive episode that I realized my raison d’être: bringing focus to mental health awareness. I cannot call this my passion as I sometimes get tired of the things I’m passionate about. Instead, I would call this purpose as it requires me to pace myself if I want to be effective in carrying out the tasks associated with it.
I don’t feel sad about leaving my twenties behind. I scoff at articles telling me what I should be doing in my last days as a twenty-something. I’d be crazy to tell people what to do with their lives because each of us have a different set of values which determine what we want and need to do with our existence. The only thing I’m certain of at this point is no matter how carefully you’ve mapped out your future, there will always be something to bring you back to the present moment. Surrender to it. You will always be all right.